Our friends think it's strange, you and I

She actually said "you and me" but I wasn't going to correct her grammar when she was giving me a backward compliment.

Jennifer was talking about the fact that we talk, alot and she tells me just about everything, if sometimes a few beats after the fact.

Her friends think that is strange. Since they don't share secrets or thoughts with their moms, in general, at this age.

Think Gilmore Girls without the snappy banter. Although sometimes we do look at each other and just laugh.

"It's like you're my friend, even thought you're not trying to be my friend, I know that," Jennifer said as we headed off to our favorite b-fast spot today.

"yes, I can be a bitch," I laughed.

"yes, you can," she responds, quite seriously. (thanks dear)

"But I can talk to you."

And I guess in the end, that's the highest compliment at all. I'll have to remember that when I'm grousing at her that she hasn't done her chores, again.

R U Your teen's friend?

And I don't mean on Facebook. And the answer to the FB question is probably "no." However, the Washington Post had a great story and commentary on whether parents are getting cooler, and trying to be their teens friends.

Generally, the comments from the writers and the comments on their posts say, "nope, not meant to be their friends. If you go down that slippery slope you're not doing your job."

Totally agree. And as you see by my post just prior to this, Jennifer and I are close. But I'm not her bff. She has one of those and it's a young girl her own age, whom I'm sure hears about what a horrible mother Jennifer has from time to time, from Jennifer herself.

It's not my job to be her friend. Tho it is nice to actually have her want to be around me once and awhile.

Mom, I'm bored. Can you come over?

Apparently the daughter is having second thoughts about mom and dad being so boring. With only 55 min. left of 2009, she and her friends are sitting on the couch, at a friend's house and bored. Could we run over the fireworks left over from the fourth?

No, actually, we're not getting back out on the road this late at night (just returned from dinner and a movie, which we invited them to, but was declined).

Moooom! No. Sorry, you had your chance to spend the countdown with us. We're not getting back in the car.

*&^%$. The Christ Child has just shown up. OK, you can have a manger if you go through a metal detector and background check first

Hello? Mombeforeyousaynopleasehearmeout.

This rush of words surged into my ears just before I left work last night. And of course, I tensed. What exactly was Jennifer going to ask? Unlike what I thought (going out with a boy I'd never met, a new sweater, spending the night somewhere) she had an entirely different request that left me speechless. At the "nos" to the predetermined requests faded.

"I was wondering if Jason could sleep over tonight."

Uhhh.

As a back story to this, I'd heard about Jason before. He's a friend of Jennifer's. Almost b-friend, but then they just decided to be friends. Jennifer's described him as a male version of herself. He's with a foster family now - who from varying reports, sometimes treats him well, sometimes not. His birthmom is a drug addict, in jail, I think and at one time wanted drugs so badly, she gave Jason to the dealers as collateral. Jennifer said he wont' talk about that part of his life. Just that he'd been abused.

Anyway, long story short, his foster family had left for the night (no, she didn't know what left meant) and Jason didn't have a key to the house. All his guy pals, his wrestling coach, everyone, refused him a couch. He was going to spend the night in the park, before Jennifer heard of this plan and said she'd see if he could stay with us.

Great. Now,sleeping in a park at these temps or any temps really was out of the question. Buying him a hotel room was out of the question, and yes, my church in currently hosting Kent's homeless guys in an attempt with other churches to sort of duck the city's stupid zoning laws. But that seemed chickenshit. But the real question, was could he sleep on our couch and come into the home for the night.

*&^^%$. How was I going to tell me daughter, who has seen me insist that the true test of one's faith is how you deal with inconvenient instances, "no" to this. Yet, I'd never met this guy. I was was vaguely wondering..ok, not so vague here... if we'd be safe with a kid that had obviously gone through some horrible experiences in his life. Lock J's door. Hide the knives?Fuckfuckfuck.

"He's not allergic to cats or dogs is he," I ask, with a shameful amount of hope in my voice.

"nope."

OK, fine. He can come, but let me ask your dad first (who is usually the no of last resort). But of course, Gary said yes. That's one of the reasons I married him.

"Wait, you mean his foster family just left him w/o a key?" Gary said.

Well, yes, they did. And no, I dont' know why.

Oh, Jennifer adds on another phone call, he's at a wrestling tourney until 9 pm tonight, could we go pick him up. And he has to be back at the school at 5 am on Saturday, but Jason says he'll walk back to school (yeah, right, an hour walk in freezing cold temps. not likely).

Fine, fine fine. We'll pick him up, we'll drop him off. Has he eaten anything lately?

So about 9:30 pm, Jason arrives at the house (he's found a ride from a friend) and promptly talks non-stop about wrestling. Nope, not hungry. Finally about 11 pm, I order them to bed, saying at this point we're all getting 4 hours sleep. He looks at me, surprised. I get the feeling he doesn't get too many orders to turn off the tv and get to bed.

I later realize that he's probably as wary of us, as we might be of him. J told me this morning that he lay away for 2 hours after he flopped on the couch. I also had a renewed appreciation of my hubby's manners, when I almost fell into the toilet this morn, because Jason had left the seat up.

At 4 am, the alarm rings, gary throws on his clothes and warms up the car today. I crawl out of bed, well aware that my hair is standing on end and the sash for my robe is actually a scarf- I can't find the tie. I tell him he's eating b-fast for fuel and make him eggs, 4 strips of bacon and toast, which he wolfs down. Gary makes him drink oj.

Then off they go into the night. Later, Jennifer said that Jason wistfully asked if he could stay over again sometime. He had fun.

Sick day to be with ailing friend

I learned that Gary had already said "no", so I wasn't going to countermand that.

But Jennifer's friend Jordan was having knee surgery today, and wanted Jennifer to come with her to the hospital and then home for support. She had already missed some school of late, with doctor's appointments and all, and so Gary put the nix on that. I found out this am and it gave me pause.

It probably took a lot for Jordan to ask that, and she'd asked another friend, whose parents had also said "no." And as for a support system, sometimes I get the feeling it's not necessarily there for Jordan from her parents. The weekend fiasco where Jordan was supposed to go away with us for a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge, only to show up the next day late, because the parents seemed incapable of finding the place, or going down the freeway at 30 mph (we couldn't figure out which), seemed to prove that.

So the next best thing transpired. J's going home with another friend, who lives near jordan's house and they'll walk over together in the pm to cheer her up. But still, I wish Jordan had had a friend to go with her to the hospital.

Where the kids hang out

I guess Gary and I are getting that rep.

Tonight at the movies, we arrived to dutifully go to "Blind Side" while J went off with friends to New Moon (verdict, acting bad, but eye candy with the werewolf pack good) . She joined up with the 2 of her friends, who were joined by 4 more friends.

We decided to stop by I Hop on the way home, and suddenly, J and friend turned into J and 3 friends, which we just shoved in the back of the civic. One mom called to figure out where her girl was (hadn't met her before) and she said she was with Jennifer's mom and day, was that OK?

Apparently it was. That seems to be becoming shorthand for a. they'll get home safe and b. usually fed too.

Mommy?

I always tense up when I hear that.

This time it was please, please, please, could she go up with Ashley and her family to Whistler.

Now I should have just said, no, you don't have a passport, so no go, you'd be stuck at the border.

But instead I told her the real reason. My bad.

"I haven't even met Ashley's parents."

"Yes, you have."

"Doing sign language with her grandmother, who only speaks Filipino does not count. I have yet to meet her mom or dad, who somehow mysteriously pay the bills and make sure dinner's on the table, but I've yet to actually meet them in person."

"Dad has"

"Yeah, try again. He thought he was waving at Ashley's parents, and found out later it was another friend's parental units."

"What do you think is going to happen to me? Moooom!!"

"Jennifer, I'm not sending you 7 hours north, into another country (yeah, I know it's Canada, the other white meat), with people who don't even bother, rich tho they may be, to check out the parents dropping off or picking up their kid! Or for that matter even call to check us out."

Privately, I could just see phantom mom looking at two nice young men the girls just met, with Helter Skelter tattoed on their butts, and saying "oh, have a nice time." I didn't share this.

"I hate you." Pause. Wheels turning.

"I'm going to ask dad."

"Good luck with that."

Can I go to a movie?

3pm: Can I go to the movies with friends? On a school night? I didn't think so, but she didn't have have any homework. And no practice.

3:30 pm: I say yes, she starts texting.So at first the movie was for 5 pm down at the AMC. A date with her b-friend and another couple.

4:00 pm :Then, pretty please could we pick up Ashley, who lives near the casino in South Auburn. Umm, you're asking me this at 4 pm. With traffic, we'd have to leave now, so no, I'm not going to become the taxi service now.

4:01 pm: She pouts and begins texting.

4:10 pm: Can we go to a 7:30 pm movie, so when Ashley's bro gets home, HE can take her to the movies. And get out at 10 pm, no you can't. The movie is the same horror movie they saw on the weekend, so we'll be out by 9 pm

4:11 pm. Fine, but once I pick you up at the movies, to bed. And I'm not taking anyone home.

4:12 pm. Oh, didn't I tell you, she says, we're meeting at Regal at the Auburn 17.

4:13 pm. No you're not. I'm not going all the way down and back and then down again. Move this gig to the AMC where it first started in KEnt or no go.

4:14 pm. More glares, more texting.

5 pm: Dad comes home and grumps about letting her go to a movie at all.

5:15 pm. Daughter disappears into room to text.

6 pm. Emerges. The deal is off. From the glare, I'm sure she blames me.

Goodbye girl

Jennifer was so excited.

Could she please, please, please go on a three day trip with her friend Haley to the girl's lake cabin near Olympia. Now gary and I had not met said family yet. So we negotiated. She had to come to the Stevie Wonder concert with us Friday, but we'd take her out to the lake house Saturday morning.

Good thing we did. That cabin (which is bigger than our house) was to heck and gone past Olympia. And I could tell that Haley's parents knew we were giving them the once over. They reassured us several times they'd keep her save, make sure she wears a life jacket and not do something stupid like swim out to the island in the middle of the lake. Gary couldn't help calling her once and texting her once over the weekend (she finally texted back and said to stop).

Next week should be interesting, as she's going up for a week-long B-ball camp at Western with her new teammates at Auburn High. She's never been away that long before (never did the Girl Scout thing) and it will be interesting to see how she does. Frankly, it will be interesting to see how her father does. I might have to limit his phone calls.

High School Angst, Part III

I've just been trying to untangle where J. is actually registered at for next year.

I guess the answer is both at Auburn Mountainview and Auburn Senior High. I received a letter in the mail last week, announcing that AMV had received J.'s waiver and it had been accepted. Now, could we please register her for classes.

????

J. had already sent one registration packet in about two months ago. They lost that. So she filled out another one and sent it to counselors from AMV visiting the school. They lost that too. Well, maybe lost isn't the right term.

Through some form of IT magic I don't understand, the registration packet ended up over at ASH, so she's all set for classes over there. They are now awaiting her waiver to be approved (I waivered her to both schools, until we made up our minds.)

So this weekend, we were filling out class schedule #3 to AMV, and I'm calling the district offices today, to see whither her waiver to ASH. Frankly, at this stage of the game, I'm about ready to cut bait and let her go to ASH. She has a good group of friends, she's in the honors classes she wants, and I've been reading blogs about the school. Both students and parents have posted some pretty good comments. They were pretty negative before 2004, before AMV opened. I think ASH had over 3,000 kids then. Overcrowding seemed to be making both the students and the parents act like lab rats.

Unless of course, the waiver has been lost in the IT ether too. And I have no idea whether her best friend, who started this fall down the rabbit hole, has been accepted into ASH as either.

Knowing Karma as I do (even before I started watching My Name is Earl), let me guess. J. ends up going to ASH, and BF gets kicked back to AMV, where she was set to go in the first place.

Society or Scholastics

Coming down to the wire on what high school to go to.

Both girls agreed to go to an open house at Auburn Mountainview, and I think they were impressed, even though most of their friends are still going to Auburn Senior High. To recap, J.'s BF was slated to go to Auburn Mountainview, so we thought the matter was settled. But then BF's dad (parent's are divorced) wants her to go to Auburn Senior High. So the tug and pull continues.

There are more honors classes at AMV, and it's a newer school. But the refrain of "all my friends are going to ASH" is beginning to wear Gary and I down. Everyone once and awhile a helpful friend sez, "You need to be the adult here." Thanks for that.

Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

And Elliot, Alisha, Serena, Georgia, Sean and Nicole.

I can't remember the rest of the names that Jennifer (was supposed be Elliott, but he flaked on the group organizing bit. I told Jennifer, don't expect it to change 25 years from now).

8 am: At first it was just going to be her and Elliott going to the Auburn Supermall and then the movies. I told Jennifer that sounded an awful lot like a date to me. She glared, and then started dialing (yes, actually using her phone for its original purpose) and texting to round up the troops.

9:30 am: It was going to be Elliot, Jennifer, Serena and maybe Sean. Then Sean had something else to do and Serena refused to be the third wheel. So Serena tried to round up Nicole and Ashley; Elliott worked on Jimmy and kept nagging Sean.

1 pm: Then Nicole called back at 1:15 pm, she couldn't go because she had to spend time with her dad this week. Georgia called back, had pink eye; mom said no.

2 pm: The movie time and mall walk gets pushed to 3:30 pm, and yes, Gary and I can attend the Supermall theaters IF we choose another movie. Fine.

2:07 pm: Sean said, no, he can't go. Elliott calls back and said he has to take his sister (with his family) to the airport, so she's a no show. Jimmy has a ball game to go to.

2:30 pm: So now it's 2:30 pm. It's down to Serena and Jennifer. I say, can't we just postpone until next week?

"Mom, get out of my conversation! You are soo, errha!"

Okay, fine, you and Serena can go to a movie, but it has to be in Kent, and it has to be an earlier showing than 5 pm. And dad and I can go if we want to. At this point, my hubby is getting grumpy over this whole affair, as am I.

More glares. And the eyes start to mist. She stomps off muttering to Serena.

3:12 pm: So end the end, it's The Water Horse at 4:15 pm at the AMC (they were going to go to a scary movie when Elliott was going to be part of the pack. Hmmm.)

And no, we can't go with them.