Not with my daughter you don't

Jennifer was curled up next to me in tears, telling me about her boyfriend's friends (now x-friends) who were texting her nasty things, saying she was dominating all his time (not true) and it was her fault that he was now living in a group home for foster kids (um, not true again).

When she told me that one of them called her the c-word, that was the last straw. I brought in the big guns, i.e. gary. Said hubby promptly texted back all the perpetrators (who live in the same foster home Adam lived in) and blocked their # to text Jennifer. And he said if they tried it again, through another phone #, he'd call the cops.

I dont' think it dawns on these kids, that mess with Jennifer, you mess with 2 angry bears. That hasn't been their experience in their lives,but I think they know it's part of Jennifer's reality. Mess with her, you mess with all of us.

And adam has crossed said "friends" off the bff list.

Bad choices

We've declared an Adam free zone in the house.

It's the only way for Jennifer not to end up in tears of late. She's broken up with him,but still obv. cares about him. As we all do.

He was arrested a runaway last night, but is out of jail (or juvi) now. But we, and I'm not sure, he, has any idea where he is going to end up.

He probably should have gone back to Celeste's house in Kent,but I can see from talking to Celeste today , and via my daughter (through what she knows of Adam's side) that probably wasn't going to work out. She wants him to follow the rules (a reasonable demand) while I'm not sure she really got Adam's sense of humor, or attempts to connect.

So, as to where he ends up now, who knows. I know that GAry did chew on him on Friday, saying we weren't going to let him draw Jennifer off the straight and narrow, AND for him to get his act together if he wanted to see her at all, ever.

Not that we can really make good on that as long as he's at Auburn Senior High or in the area, but I think it was a wake up call that even our patience is not unlimited.

High maintenance b-friend, part 2

OK, J broke up with Adam yesterday (although as of 4.17 pm PST, I don't know the status) and he promptly didn't come home (to his foster home) last night.

So worried foster mom calls me up at work, apologetic, asking if I've seen or heard from Adam.

Unfortunately no.

Though I do know he's been madly texting my daughter, trying to get back together with her. I'm privately hoping she's resisting his pleas. I think she'd better help him as a friend, than girl friend. But trying explaining that to a 16-year-old.

Anyway, I also know that Adam gave J back the cell phone Gary bought him, and the shoes (and no, I don't know if he walked away from the breakup in his sox).

But he did spend a night at a friend's and was hanging around school today (and texting Jennifer from someone's phone) trying to get back together with her.

I'm not surprised, but a bit angry at his not even telling Celeste (worried foster mom) about his whereabouts or where he was today. Jennifer's trying to get him to call her (I slooowly texted her Celeste's phone #, but who knows if he'll call her).

Anyway, off to pick Jennifer up now. And I hope she's still broken up with Adam.

Cooking for a growing boy is a different experience

Especially when it's been the three of us, and one of us being a 112 lb girl who wants to keep in shape. In other words, sometimes she doesn't eat very much.

But since Adam has been taking most of his meals at our house of late, I've noticed the fridge gets cleaned out pretty quickly. there are no leftovers for lunch.

Today, Adam will find out when he can move into his new foster home, but until then, I think I'm going to have to think in bigger batches.

Looking in from the outside

I think Adam, Jennifer's b-friend would love to adopt us.

To him, her life probably seems idyllic -almost Ozzie and Harriet, tho, of course, we're not.

He's finally found a place to stay, and should be back in school next week, finally, and emancipated in a month or two. But still, I know he looks at our rather stable, boring life, and wishes for something else.

And no, Jennifer, we're not adopting your b-friend.

Did you know your daughter was dating a runaway?

The Auburn police officer called me up on the phone Tuesday and at first, I almost brushed him off, figuring he was making a pitch for the police guild or some football game.

But no,the first words out of his mouth were the just this question.

I was stunned, so much so that I don't even recall his last name. Now, for the record, I did know that Adam was officially classified as a runaway after walking out on his foster mom after a tiff, but I figured he'd go back, once he cooled off and they'd patch it up. Apparently not this time.

After living a decade with this family, apparently things are at an end, and Adam doesn't want to live there anymore, but with a coach that's agreed to take him in for 2 months while becomes a legally emancipated teen.

Meanwhile, Jennifer, and for that matter, Gary and myself, feel trapped in the middle as Adam continues to war with foster mom, who is evil incarnate if you listen to Adam. Gary and I aren't quite believing it, and are wondering just how much of this is typical rebellious teen angst, and how much is what Adam claims it to be.

Of course my daughter believes every...word...he says, and has concurred that foster mom is a total bitch.

I'm not so sure. But regardless of the real truth, I told the officer, yes, I know and is there any reason that my daughter shouldn't hang out with the guy? Are you going to haul her in too if she does? The answer was no to both.

But I'm hoping that in the end, Adam will end up with adults he trusts. I'm wondering if being an emancipated teen will really be that...freeing to him.

I'm not a soap opera

So they are back together again. Holding hands, lovey dovey.

Jennifer was telling me all about it, and re-defined the "grabbing her arm" incident. So I'm fine with letting it continue for now. He just stepped in front of her and put his hand on her arm.

However, I told her that the coffee shop where she goes after school if probably looking forward to the next episode in the J and Adam adventure like a daily soap opera.

First they're on, then they're off.

"If they miss their afternoon soap opera, they always have you two," I said.

Glare. Silence.

"I'm not a soap opera, this discussion is over," says she.

Right.

On again, off again

Jennifer has broken up with her boyfriend again, the second, or is it the third, time in 2 months.

I try to be sympathetic to their bickering, and separate real issues from the drama queen ones, but it's hard. Mostly, I try to stay out of it, since you never know when they are going to get back together again, and you'll regret all those nasty things you said trying to be supportive.

I guess one reason I hope they don't get back together is in the last argument, when Jennifer started walking away in a huff, he grabbed her by the arm. She says she wasn't hurt, and it wasn't hard, but that still gives me pause. There's grabbing by the arm, and then there's grabbing by the arm.j

Break ups and tears

Well, Jennifer and her amore broke up, which is too bad because I liked Adam, and I just met his parents and liked them as well.

I think what will make this particularly hard is that they were truly friends before they started going out. I just got a teary message from J. who is busy crying on a friend's shoulder at friend's home (even tho, this time, she was the one who called it splits) so I don't know the reason yet.

I wouldn't be surprised if this religion tug-of-war had something to do with it.

Yep, they're an item. Now he wants to go to church with her

And debate religion.

Jennifer announced to me this weekend, a fact I'd already surmised, yes, she and Adam are now an item.

Which I good. I like the guy. And he's a Christian and goes to church regularly. All good, except he wants to talk religion with my I'm-not-sure-what-I-want-to-be daughter and keeps asking her if she's accepted Jesus Christ into her life yet.

Poor boy, he doesn't realize he's just stepped in it.

Jennifer hasn't regularly attended church with me since...maybe she was nine?

Then it ratcheted down to once and awhile and then...well, on Mother's Day as her gift to me.

She asked me the other day if I'd mind if she became a practicing Hindu. Ah, well no, not really any complaints here. And then she let loose with the whole Adam conversation.

Adam goes to a pretty conservative church in Burien. Its red haired minister sports a helicopter. Ahem. And basically Adam believes that if you're not a church-going I have professed my faith Christian, you're going to hell. Which, of course, makes every hair raise along the back of my give-em-hell daughter.

"Listen, I advised, you go to his church, that should be an experience... and he goes to ours, OK, mine, (a gentle presby church), and then discuss it. Heck, I'll even drop you off at a breakfast spot where you can hash this out. Then drop it."

Both sides have agreed to do this. We'll see if this actually occurs and just how long this relationship lasts. Might have been better to remain friends. Then I think Adam would have been less inclined to convert her.

From friend to something more

Dropped off Jennifer and Adam at the movies last night. And as I went to pick them up 3 hours later, I could have sworn they were holding hands, and not as friends.

But you'll be proud of me, I didn't grill her the minute he got out of the car. I'll let her tell me the relationship has changed, even tho all the body language sez so.

So many boys, so little time

Well that didn't last long.

Only a week or so after she was crying on my bed, bemoaning getting dumped, Jennifer was gleefully recounting how so many boys were hovering around her, and how she could hang out with them all, without pissing them all off.

Are there any that rise to the top that you would like as a boyfriend, asks I.

"No, not really," she said. "But I do like the attention."

I was never good at juggling in this realm, so I wish her luck.

Boys suck, Part XXI

A tearful call about 4 pm.

"Mom, could you come get me, I've had an awful day."

Turns out, BF Lief dumped her. For about the 3rd time (I've lost count).

At any rate, she was moping, texting and studying in the bathroom (sez that's the place that she can think) for the rest of the evening.

About 10 pm, I was finishing up reading when I heard a small sniffle from the hall. So I decided to do the mom thing and see what was going on, wherein, she started sobbing in the bathroom.

"I just don't know why this always happens to me," she wailed.

Well, it happens to every girl, but when it happens to you, it feels like you're walking around with a big "dumped" sign flashing over your head.

And guys are intimidated by her - her strong personality and good looks make for a fierce combo. So sometimes I just think they dump before she gets tired of them.

But last night, laying on the spare room bed (where I had retreated when Gary snored me out of the bedroom again), with the cat kneeding at her feet, she cried, talked railed against guys and listened. This went on for about an hour, but I figured, how often does she turn to me? All her friends she usually would have cried with were asleep already.

And it didn't help when dad, frustrated his daughter was upsent, threatened to ground her if she texted this idiot again. Um, not the best move right this very minute dad.

Anyway, the day (night?) finally lightened when a former b-friend caught wind through text-ville that Jennifer was available again. He texted this morning. Things are brighter now.

Boys are stupid, Part XX

Jennifer had been fuming around the house of late, and so I took a deep breath and asked her what was bothering her - always an iffy task with a 16 year old.

"Boys...are...just...so....stupid," she fumed as she furiously slammed something into her phone text pad.

"I mean, you tell them you don't want to talk to them, and what do they do, THEY DON'T TALK OR TEXT YOU!" she said, almost shouting by now. Her dad takes a quick peek from the TV room, assesses the situation and then ducks out of sight.

"ANYONE, I MEAN ANYONE WITH BRAINS, would ask you what was wrong and try to fix it," she said, calming down a bit now.

She and her sometimes b-friend Leif had been texting...or not... most of the day. He hadn't texted her for a day, and then texted back, after she asked him where he was all day, that he was too busy to text and not to get her panties in a bunch about it.

Not a very wise move, especially when you've texted said girl's best friend during the same time you were supposedly too busy to text.

Guys never seem to get that girls talk.

"And it just doesn't get me about the texting and talking. They don't show their emotions, they dont' realize that it doesn't take much to patch things up, a word or a flower and they never can admit their wrong."

Well, says I, I'm not sure how much of that is going to get better as they grow older. Some, but not all.

But texting your BF when he doesn't text you, yeah, stupid.

Back again with the b-friend

I just lost a $5 bet.

I said it was unlikely, after all her rejections that Anthony would keep asking her to get back together. But by crackie, he persisted and they did yesterday.

I guess boys have stronger egos (or just the ones that date my daughter) than they did in my day.

So much for that boyfriend

After a month, already broken up.

This news came at 10 am, 2 hours before she was to be at high school at v-ball practice. Mandatory.

"Couldn't you have waited 2 more hours to break up with him," I said.

She didn't think it was funny.

Fortunately, the Kent teachers are still on strike, which means an admin assist. who works for the district was home. She Coni was able to take her to school.

Now what?

To my surprise, Gary actually let Anthony drive Jennifer home last from his house (on the back roads, 5 min away as it turns out).

He wanted to meet Gary. Gary, tired, asked if this momentous event could wait to the weekend. Apparently, not.

So we quickly cleaned up the house, just in time for the two lovebirds to appear on our porch and walk in the door.

I introduced Anthony and Gary. Then we just sort of looked at each other. Usually, when there is another parental unit in the room, we can strike up a conversation and ignore the kids. But I was getting the feeling, to his credit, that A. wanted to make a good impression and a connection with G.

We didn't have any iced tea or pop ready, and no dessert (again, this was last minute).

So after a bit, he smiled and he and J. went out to chat on the porch.

"Was he expecting us to invite him in and have something to eat?" I asked later.

I'm afraid by the look Jennifer gave me, apparently so.

The problems of the pretty people

I didn't know how to advise my daughter in this, as she sat and bemoaned the fact that it isn't always easy being popular and pretty.

(Since I was neither in high school, this was a bit beyond my reach, like questions on 00 sized jeans)

"Since I've been dating anthony, all these other guys have been calling me up, asking me if I'd like to go out," she said, as she perched on the counter, watching me clean up the kitchen (wait, isn't this her chore?)

"Guys generally like what they don't have," I said.

"Yeah, I know," she pouted prettily

"Listen, you're with anthony for now, be with him, and if this doesn't work out, you have back ups..assuming that these guys texting you are not jerks."

Ah, the problems of the beautiful people.

Answer your phone

"Next time you'd better be dead or in a coma, but that's the only reason I'm accepting for not answering our phones or pages."

This rant, directed at our daughter in the front yard of our home at about 10 pm last night, was also in front of her boyfriend (I guess you can call him that now) and his entire family.

Jennifer started to do her usual rebuttal, but then took one look at my face and, surprisingly shut up.

The beginning of this saga began about 3 hours earlier, when the young couple had gotten bored at the Kent STation offerings, and Anthony's mom decided to pick 'em up and take them out to a soccer game withe her in Tukwila.

Fine. But as the hour hand started to creep by 9 pm, and Jennifer stopped answering her texts. We began to worry and kick ourselves.

We hadn't asked for an ETA, but it was assumed it would be sometime around 9 pm. We also realized that we didn't have Anthony's cell, or know the name of his mom (remarried) or her cell. In other words, no way to track her down if we had to.

Gary was just putting on his shoes to go to said Tukwila soccer field, grumbling that our darling daughter would be sorry (after he found her alive) when he showed up, when finally the home phone rang. It was the awol daughter, saying she'd be home in 10 minutes.

So I sat out on the porch, (yes, I really did), and rehearsed by lines when the SUV pulls up. I give them my contact info, introduce myself and try not to sound too much like a crazy mom. And I must note, they did seem like a nice family. As you'll notice, Gary's not in the picture, he's gone to bed, knowing I'd do enough chewing for both of us.

Later, I explained to Jennifer that given this relationship was soo new (like last week) and we hadn't met the parents yet, she really, really needed to have the phone at hand, and not drop it in the bowels of her purse.You have 2 former cop reporters as parents, you'll just have to live with our natural paranoia, as she started to protest.

Otherwise, she was grounded next time when we text her 3x and call her 4, and no answer.

I could tell she was about to say something.

"One more word and you're grounded now."

Silence.

Yes, I have to meet him

Jennifer is so over Leif. And now it's apparently on to Anthony.

He's a sophomore, looks Greek or Italian and from Auburn Mountainview hs (I didn't know inter-school dating was allowed)

And they are on date #2 tonight, watching "the proposal" So we met down at the Kent AMC, with strict instructions that she now go anywhere in his car, and they stay at Kent Station. AND I had to meet him first.

Insert appalled look from daughter here. But that was the deal. Any creepy vibes, she was going home with me.

"You can't tell me your parents did this with you!" she whined.

"Well, actually they didn't."

"Aha!"

"They made the young man come to the house first, meet them both and come in chat with them a bit....every single guy who wanted to take me out, so consider yourself lucky."

"Any chance you could just drop me off and wave as he walks up."

The silence was her answer.

As it was Anthony had a firm handshake and looked me in the eye, so he passed that test at least.