Vagina Monologues rock!

Wasn't exactly sure I wanted to see the Vagina Monologues, but my friend insisted, so on Saturday we went and saw them down at PLU's theater.

And sure enough, they were great - once you got past the shock of the actors wanting you to shout "vagina" if you approved of a given monologue. "Cunt" was acceptable too, but didn't really hear too many people shouting that. (and I'm sure the psa ads will appear beside this blog in a few minutes)

Of course the play is to raise funds for women facing systematic violence throughout the world. And some of the monologues,from women in Bosnia or the Congo were heart wrenching. Others were just plain funny, like the angry vagina.

I described the play to my daughter, who's interested in seeing it next year, but I think I'll let her see it with a friend - I doubt she'll want her mom by her in some of the skits - moaning was one of my faves.

Size 00

My daughter popped out of the dressing room, complaining that the pants she tried on were too loose. They were size 0.

So up to Southcenter we went, to the A/E there, and found the 00s.

They fit perfectly. Jennifer caught my glance. OK, how much do you weight right now? She guessed about 107, which is 5 lbs lower than last we visited the docs.

She went to b-ball camp and broke up with a boyfriend, so that accounts for some of the loss. But still 00?

"Well, you were skinny when you were my age (true), and what size did you wear?"

I don't think they had 00 then.

Oh, and a big butt is a good thing

After Leif got out the car, J. tried to make ammends on the remark she made this weekend.

"All guys like big butts, really it's a good thing"

Tell me that again when I hit size 9 again.

Mom you have a big butt

But in a good way, my daughter quickly added as she saw the look on my face.

Common, J. I invited you into the dressing room to get an opinion on this new Mother's Day suit, not for a critique of my bod, which I know could lose a few.

"Jennifer!" I sputtered out. "This will teach me to let you in the dressing room"

"Mom, mom, I'm saying it's good. Guys like perky butts."

So you think my butt is perky?

At this point, the sales lady who was getting stray clothes in the next room couldn't stand it anymore and started snorting with laughter.

"Yeah, I know," I called over the wall. "This from a girl who has the metabolism of a greyhound."

"She'll learn," the woman called back (prob. hoping I'd still buy the suit..which I did)

And it did not make my butt look big.

Mom I can't find my makeup!

I suppose I'm to blame for this.

I who won't go out of the house without hair washed and styled, and makeup on.

"You're just going to Target," my hubby will remark incredulously.

Yeah, but you never know who you're going to see at Target, do you? I snap back.

So at 15, it wasn't the snow that was delaying us getting out of the house this morning, but the fact Jennifer couldn't find her makeup bag, anywhere. In the car, in the trunk, on the side of the couch where she sits doing homework and watching tv (I know, I know) and in her bathroom or our bathroom, nada.

So we set out not only to stop by Starbucks on a a 2-hour late school day, but to Top Foods as well, to buy $50 worth of makeup. I told her it was coming out of the allowance and the quarter piggy bank we throw all our change into. She shrugged, as she quickly applied makeup in the TF bathroom. It was worth it to her.

Speaking of 15 year olds with with way too much talent, here is the latest from one 15 year old who is becoming a celeb on flickr.

Okay, does this make me the slut mom?

Last weekend was spent looking for the perfect dress for homecoming. Now mind you, Jennifer and friends are not going with dates, but with each other, much to her dad's relief. He's quite excited at the thought of driving the girls to dinner and to the dance. He's not allowed inside.

But back to the dress. Jennifer had a $100 limit, and she met up with her friend at the Supermall, with it seems most of Auburn High School. She finally found one in about shop #2, a dress that looks like....think Marilyn's famous white dress, except in blue. She looks wonderful in it, and the no, the slit doesn't go down as far as Marilyn's between the cleavage.

Then her friend tried on a dress, a square cut red number that made her look absolutely stunning. Now the friend is not a size 2, and she's short, so I thought the dress did all the right things, it camouflaged some parts and emphasized the curves. But unf. her mom thought differently, and fussed at the cleavage.

Oh common, a little cleavage isn't bad. But in the end, the friend went with another dress.

On the way home, Jennifer remarked that i was "way more relaxed than the other moms." Afraid at what she was referring to, I asked her to explain.

She mentioned the dress episode and the fact I was okay letting her go to the dance at all. The other moms were having second thoughts. Well, it's not like she's going with a senior, and she is 15, so time to the loosen the reins a bit.

Dove has some great commercials

And no, I'm not getting paid to say this. But take a look at these ads about the onslaught of imagery our young girls get blasted with every day.

Open shower bays

"What do you mean they have open show bays in college!"

This was the outraged conversation I was having with Jennifer last night, as she was settling in in the Western dorms for b-ball camp this week. Gary couldn't stand not talking to her last night (he'd seen her approx. 3.5 hours before when he dropped her off at camp). Once he checked in, he handed the phone over to me.

And Jennifer bemoaned the fact that she was going to have to get up in the early am to make roll call at 7 am to start camp. When was she going to have time to take a shower, or iron her hair? Yes, you read that last sentence correctly.

I calmly asked whether there were individual stalls or show bays in the dorms. Usually it's one or the other. Horrified silence.

"I'm not going to a college with open shower bays," she sputtered (I guess this tops scholastic ranking now)

"Well, some colleges have them, as do some high schools."

At this point it dawned on us both. We hadn't talked about high school shower bays that are the routine torture of every high school girl. Except of course if you have a perfect body. And remember Jennifer won't even let me see her naked anymore, so I think she'd do well in the sizing up routine that goes on, but this is all conjecture.

It was then pop corn time and the girls behind her were getting loud, so she signed off. I'm sure we'll have this conversation later.

Don't mess with the nice doctor the first time you meet her, please

That was what was going through my mind as Jennifer, dressed in those wonderful open backed robes, sat on the table, while her new doc (a woman and my current doc) grilled on any sexual activity (no), bulimia (no), drugs (no), alcohol (no) and her general habits.

I could tell by the look on my daughter face that she was thinking of fessing up to it all, just to get Debra to stop. This was for the sports physical that all athletes have to have every year and Jennifer REFUSED this time to go to Pediatrics NW.

"All there are are kids and babies there!" And she has a man doc. A nice one mind you. But a man nonetheless. And Jennifer wasn't going to put up answering questions about pubic hair and sexual activity from him.

So we switched to my doc. And hence the grilling yesterday.

"What, exactly, did she expect me to say in front of you," Jennifer asked later, after getting a cervical cancer vaccine shot (I've given up telling Jennifer that she's through with shots. Every time I say that, they come up with another).

"I was about ready to say, yes, I puke after every meal, is there a problem with that?" Jennifer grinned.

Since Debra is such a nice lady and a good doc, I'm glad she didn't. But I can see Jennifer's point.

Do you think I'm fat?

It's a question that sometimes I'm a whisker from asking Jennifer. And then I stop. What type of message does that send to her? (who now won't even tell me her weight - she's fine a size 2 and all - but still)

After my last pregnancy at about 38, my metabolism must have done a nose dive, because the pounds came on, and now I have about 30 to lose. Started Weight Watchers last week, and lost about a pound and half, so only 28.5 more to go. However, I try to keep the fussing about my weight to a minimum around Jennifer. The only time I'll get close to that question is if the clothes look okay, or "how do I look?" and then brace myself for the always honest answer only a 14 year old can give.

I am pleased that Jennifer has all shapes and sizes of friends, so what someone weighs doesn't seem to be an issue with her, in fact, she thinks a few of her friends could stand to gain some weight. So through these years, I'll just have to keep my neurosis to myself.

Which ones are harder to raise?

According to this article off CNN, it seems to be which age you're asking about. After reading down to the end, it came to the conclusion that boys early on, an d from pre-teen on, girls. Great.

I'm not asking you to pole dance

But you would have thought so from the look at J.'s face, when I suggested she try pasties to cover up her nipples for a strapless (well, practically) gown she's wearing this Friday for her big part as the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella.

"Mom!"

Okay, well fine, just go without. There's enough material in front so nothing will show.

"What if I bend over! And we don't go bra less in 8th grade."

Hmm, what would Gloria Steinem say?

So that explains while I've spent the better part of two hours going through the Tacoma Mall looking for a strapless bra, size 34 A. I've decided that the bra manufacturers don't exactly have J's demographic in mind when they make strapless bras. Neither do the pasty company's either. Most are in C or D.

As I'm about ready to walk out of the JC Penneys with a $12 pastie set (practicing my lines to my appalled daughter tonight), the saleswoman stops me and says she thinks she has the answer. Apparently the winner of "American Inventor" came up with a 12-in-one bra that comes in 34 A and does swing low enough so you can't see the strap in the back or the boobs in the front.

Fine, done. And as I fork out the $26.50 for this modern wonder, I'm again practicing lines.

It's either this, or au natureal.