Text, lies and videotape

As we were prowling through the mall today, looking for my hubby's b-day present, we passed by Victoria's Secret, when he stopped, looked at me and said "you need some new bras, go in and take a look."

Okaaay. Hint taken.

My daughter tagged along, since she sniffed out the possibility of buying a perfume she likes, and as long as mom was in the spending mood...why not?

Once we picked out the six smelly items for $30, I said, okay, I'm off to look at the bra sale. I thought my daughter's head was going to explode.

"I don't need to see, or think about this," she said. "Your mom didn't do this to you, did she?"

Well, actually she didn't. I once asked my dad, at around this cheeky age, when the last time was they french kissed..to which he replied "it is none of your god damn business."

Okay, end of that touching father-daughter moment. But no, my mom never purchased lace underwear trimmed with sleigh bells as I was now doing in front of J.

She went back into the perfume section, with strict orders NOT to come back until was I was done, and NOT ask her opinion about any of my purchases, and to put them in the bag with NO comments whatsoever.

So I picked up the sleigh bell undies, and a few other items and then picked out a black bra with rhinestones that I learned at checkout cost $48. Not quite how I envisioned spending $50, but it was a defacto gift for Gary.

"You know mom, I don't know how you're going to wear that bra under anything when it has so many lumps from the rhinestones," she said, as we headed to the car.

"Well, dear, it's not made for wearing under clothing," I start. She cuts me off with a glare and starts to text.

Gary then jumps in and starts explaining that I had only beige underpants and bras when he met me and that it took him years to get me to buy anything else.

At this point my daughter plugs her ears and starts going lalalalalalalallalal. He misinterprets the appalled look and thinking his daughter is affronted by any hint of pre-marital intimacy, revises the bland underpants discovery until after we were married. Yeah, like she'll believe that, and no, that's not what she was freaking out about.

"Too much info dad, I don't need to hear this. I don't need to have this video going through my mind!" she said, before she snapped open her cell phone and started texting again, probably telling all her friends her parents are sex fiends.

We drop her off later at the Auburn Supermall to shop and go to a movie with her friends, and then we go back to the house to try out my purchases. They work quite nicely, thank you, for all the 3 minutes I wore them.

As we pick up J. tonight from the movie, Juno-ironically, she asks what we did all night. Uh, just stopped by Top Foods for a few things and waited for your call, darling.

God, that sounds boring, she said, and starts texting the friends we just dropped off a few minutes earlier.

Yep, that's us, dull as dirt.